英语说说搞笑幽默,有趣搞笑的英语句子

英语说说搞笑幽默目录

经典搞笑的英语段子

有趣搞笑的英语句子

英文短笑话

1. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.。

我以前是靠耳朵弹钢琴的，现在只好用手了。

。

2. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.。

为什么科学家不相信原子？因为它们组成了一切。

。

3. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.。

。

4. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.。

为什么番茄变红了？因为它看到了沙拉酱。

。

5. My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.。

。

6. I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not sure.。

我以前很犹豫，但现在我也不确定。

。

7. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.。

为什么稻草人获得了奖项？因为他在自己的领域里非常杰出。

。

8. I'm reading a book on the history of glue. I just can't seem to put it down.。

我正在读一本关于胶水历史的书，但似乎无法放下。

。

9. I don't always tell dad jokes, but when I do, he laughs.。

我不总是讲父亲式的笑话，但是当我这样做时，他会笑。

。

10. I told my wife she was getting fat, and she told me I was getting bald. I guess we're both losing something.。

经典搞笑的英语段子

熬夜对身体不好，所以我建议你通宵。

Staying up late is not good for your health, so I suggest you stay up all night.整理了一些英语 说说大全 ，欢迎大家阅读！

1、我胖了才显得你瘦，免得我瘦的时候显得你丑。

I am fat to look thin, so that I dont look ugly when I am thin.

2、在街上看美女，目光高一点就是欣赏，目光低一点就是流氓。

Looking at beauties in the street, the higher one is appreciation, and the lower one is rogue.

3、如果你主动一点，我们不光会有故事，还会有孩子。

If you take the initiative, we will not only have stories, but also children.

4、这个世间只有圆滑，没有圆满的。

This world only smooth, not perfect.

5、我喜欢交朋友，但不喜欢供祖宗。

I like to make friends, but I dont like to offer sacrifices to my ancestors.

6、黑夜给了我一双黑色的眼睛，可我却用它来翻白眼。

The night gave me a pair of black eyes, but I used it to turn white eyes.

7、即使失败99次，我也要继续下去，最起码凑个整，免得强迫症又犯了Even if I fail 99 times, I will continue, at least to make a whole, so as not to make another obsessive-compulsive disorder!

8、我卖的了梦，装得了酷，我是超级无敌美少女。

I sell the dream, pretend to be cool, I am a super invincible beauty girl.

9、幸好追你的时候你重，跑不动。

Fortunately, you are heavy and cant run when chasing you.

10、谈一次恋爱，少一个朋友。

A love, less friends. 11、早起的鸟儿有早饭吃，晚起的鸟儿有晚饭吃。

The early bird has breakfast, the late bird has supper.

12、你那么甜，不适合风吹日晒，适合躺在我怀里。

You are so sweet, not suitable for the wind and sun, suitable for lying in my arms.

13、我是水神，我为自己带盐！I am the water god, I bring salt for myself!

14、自从放了暑假，我就把早餐给戒了。

Since the summer vacation, Ive given up breakfast.

15、当初说好的不让我受一点委屈，果然不止一点点。

I was not wronged by what I said at the beginning, and it was indeed more than a little.

16、减肥这种事从来不会船到桥头自然直，你这体重，没到桥头船就沉了。

This kind of thing will never go straight from bridge to bridge. Your weight will sink before bridge.

17、我真是个花心的人，暑假刚走了我就想着寒假。

Im really a flowery person. I think of winter vacation just after the summer vacation.

18、听君一席话，省我十本书。

Listen to your words, save me ten books.

19、衣柜衣服千千万，只有新的最好看。

There are thousands of clothes in the wardrobe, only the new ones are the best to see.

20、你是最好的，如果真有人比你好，我就装作没看见。

You are the best. If someone is better than you, I pretend I havent seen it.

21、孔子不能解决的问题，老子帮你解决。

I will help you solve the problems that Confucius cant solve.

22、车到山前必有路，有路我也刹不住。

There must be a way to get to the front of the mountain. I cant stop if there is a way.

23、我们说好不分离，要一直一直在一起。

We agreed not to separate, to always be together.

24、别和我谈恋爱，虚伪，有本事咱俩结婚。

Dont fall in love with me. Hypocrisy. We can get married.

25、从来都不用化妆品，我保持年轻的秘诀就是，谎报年龄。

I never use cosmetics. The secret to keep young is to lie about my age.

26、每当我找到成功的钥匙，就有人偷偷把锁给换了。

Whenever I find the key to success, someone stealthily changes the lock. 27、愿你们都拥有人人羡慕的爱情，而我有钱就好。

I wish you all have the love that everyone envies, and I have money.

28、大姨妈是吐血鬼，卫生巾是吸血鬼。

Big aunt is a spitting blood ghost, sanitary napkin is a vampire.

29、怎么把脑子的钱转到银行卡里，在线等，急！How to transfer the money of brain to bank card, online, etc., urgent!

30、前面一只虫飞到我的数学题旁边，看了几眼题目死了。

A bug in front of me flew to my math problem and saw the problem dead.

31、想和你喝酒是假，想醉你怀里是真。

Want to drink with you is false, want to drunk your arms is true.

32、待我日后嫁得良人，定谢你当年不娶之恩。

I will thank you for not marrying when I am married.

33、这世间，真心本就稀缺，更该俭省。

In this world, sincerity is scarce, even more frugal.

34、青春就是疯狂的奔跑，然后华丽的跌倒。

Youth is crazy running, then gorgeous fall.

35、没有人不会累，只是每个人宣泄的方式不同，比如我：懒得说。

No one is not tired, but everyone has different ways of venting, such as me: lazy to say.

以上就是带给大家欣赏的英语 说说大全 ，喜欢记得收藏！

有趣搞笑的英语句子

Money is not everything. There's Mastercard & Visa. 钞票不是万能的，有时还需要信用卡。

One should love animals. They are so tasty. 每个人都应该热爱动物，因为它们很好吃。

Save water. Shower with your girlfriend. 要节约用水，尽量和女友一起洗澡。

Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two. 每个成功男人的背后，都有一个女人。

每个不成功男人的背后，都有两个。

Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life. 再快乐的单身汉迟早也会结婚，幸福不是永久的嘛。

The wise never marry, And when they marry they become otherwise. 聪明人都是未婚的，结婚的人很难再聪明起来。

Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives. 成功是一个相关名词，他会给你带来很多不相关的亲戚（联系）。

Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop. 爱情就象照片，需要大量的暗房时间来培养。

（老外也保守，要摸黑办事，哈哈） Children in backseats cause accidents. Accidents in backseats cause children. 后排座位上的小孩会生出意外，后排座位上的意外会生出小孩。

"Your future depends on your dreams." So go to sleep. “现在的梦想决定着你的将来”，所以还是再睡一会吧。

There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning. 应该有更好的方式开始新一天，而不是千篇一律的在每个上午都醒来。

"Hard work never killed anybody." But why take the risk? " “努力工作不会导致死亡！”不过我不会用自己去证明。

"Work fascinates me." I can look at it for hours! " “工作好有意思耶！”尤其是看着别人工作。

God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our friends. 神决定了谁是你的亲戚，幸运的是在选择朋友方面他给了你留了余地。

When two's company, three's the result! 两个人的状态是不稳定的，三个人才是！ A dress is like a barbed fence. It protects the premises without restricting the view. 服饰就象铁丝网，它阻止你贸然行动但并不妨碍你尽情的观看。

The more you learn, the more you know, The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. So why bother to learn. 学的越多，知道的越多，知道的越多，忘记的越多， 忘记的越多，知道的越少，为什么学来着？

英文短笑话

1、Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home.

老师：谁能回到我下一个问题，谁就可以回家了。

One boy throws his bag out the window.

一个小男孩把书包扔到窗外。

Teacher: who just threw that?!

老师：谁刚刚把书包扔出去了?

Boy: Me! I’m going home now.

男孩：我!我现在要回家了。

2、What dog can jump higher than a building?

什么狗比大楼跳的还高?

Anydog, buildings cant jump!

任何一只狗，大楼又跳不起来。

3、What has a head, a tail, and no body?

什么有头、有尾，但是没有身体?

A coin!

硬币。

4、What has one eye but cannot see?

什么有一只眼睛，却看不见?

A needle.

针。

5、Wife: "How would you describe me?"

妻子：你会怎么形容我呢?

Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."

丈夫：ABCDEFGHIJK.

Wife: "What does that mean?"

妻子：那是什么意思?

Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."

丈夫：迷人的、魅力的、可爱的、令人愉悦的、优雅的、时髦的、漂亮的和火辣的。

Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"

妻子：哇，谢谢，但是“IJK”是什么意思呢?

Husband: "Im just kidding!"

丈夫：开个玩笑!

6、Boy: Is this seat empty?

男孩：这个座位是空的么？

Girl: Yes and this one will be if you sit down.

女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的座位也将是空的。

7、My little dog cant read

我的狗不识字

Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!

布朗夫人：哦，亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！

Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！

Mrs. Brown: Its no use, my little dog cant read.

布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。

”

8、My Wife Will Exchange Them

反正我太太明天会来换的

A gentleman walks into a store and asked for a pair of gloves.

一位先生走进一家商店要买副手套。

″Cloth or leather﹖″ asked the salesperson.

“您是要布的还是皮的？”售货员问。

″Makes no difference ″replied customer.

“没什么区别。

”这位顾客回答。

″What color﹖″ asked the clerk.

“那您要什么颜色的呢？”售货员又问。

″Any″ he responded.

“什么颜色都成。

”他回答。

″Size﹖″

“号码呢？”

″Give me whatever you prefer″ the gentleman said slightly exasperated. ″My wife will be back tomorrow to exchange them.″

“您就随便给我拿一副吧，”这位顾客有点不耐烦了，“反正我太太明天都会来换的。

”